My recent trek to complete the 2015 Climb For Heroes was also a voyage to discover Erin’s personal support. I was enveloped in her sense of compassionate resolve to love deeply. Enjoy the story link below:
We’ve all known hurt. That kind of inner emotional turmoil that carves it way through our heart and rips asunder any resemblance of inner sanctity. It’s what we fear most when we risk love…
I have not shown my higher self. There’s a side to Don that darkens the purer aspects of who he is CAPABLE of being and it caught my attention recently when the newest album by a band named RED was released. A song entitled The Darkest Part of Me struck home.
I had thought myself the romantic of ages part. I sincerely adore the romantic side to life. I’m actually drawn to it. The poignant nature that allows two souls to relish in the intimate connection that unites themselves is the high that I sought. I found within romanticism the release from fake dreams I had always sought…
Yet indeed I didn’t allow the brighter side of Don to cascade its light over this darker half. I failed to give blossom to purer Don when precisely that was the exact remedy called for. Those aspects that were developed and honed to bring me closer to my Beloved instead were sacrificed at the altar of the Ego to appease some sense of long-past misunderstanding.
I looked back at my upbringing. Where indeed was the deep hurt, the abandonment, the pain I must have experienced to have cursed me so? Where were these terrible moments I could reference to say, “See, this/that happened to me so that’s why I’m this way!” But alas, I could point to nothing…and that was the deepest cut of all.
My psychology training tells me then that a phantom illusion has snuck its way into my mind, wrongly convincing me that I’m somehow at risk, gonna lose it all, watch out here, take caution over there. All a lie…
I’d created a barrier to love that cost me love. It was all for naught and I’d crafted it…
I am embarrassed that the brighter side of Don couldn’t surface sooner. It is a blessed, divine aspect. I know the love I’m capable of. It is giving, it is holistic and it is a definite requirement for Don to be whole. In fact, it might be said that is the WHOLE of Don that fell into the HOLE of false despair. I am saddened over this and it cascades over my soul to this moment…
I said in an earlier post that I sought unconditional love. I really thought I did. I really believed that unconditional love would smash the shackles of my fear and pain. I dreamt that unconditional love, in its expansive and unrestrained manner, would wash over me and baptize me in a drenching expulsion. Indeed, I was dreaming a fantasy..
Unconditional love begins in the self. It emanates from the pure heart and resonates across all facets of our interactions, be they personal or cosmic. The unconditional love I had sought resided within the chambers of my own heart, shrouded in a false vapor of illusive drama. The veil was fake! There was no wall! It was all self-created and false! Wake up!
I clutched myself hard last evening, for the first time in many years. It was 1:30 in the morning and I was restless. I tried to pray but the words would not come. I felt abandoned. By my Lover, by my God, and mostly by myself. I tried to reach out, I really did. In time, the words came, in a shattered manner. I held tight and began to tell myself I’d taken the false road for the last time. I knew it and it hurt more than any cut ever would…
This is my expose on false selves and my testament to Truer Selves. May they blossom, may they cascade freely and without constraint. May they bless.
I’ll close with Abraham Hick’s stunning scream to my soul:
Coffee. We’ve been slurping it since the 15th century (why is it, all kick ass discoveries come from monasteries?) and it’s what gives this guy his morning jolt. It’s one of the first things I get going after awaking before the dawn breaks (cold splash on the chops, followed by a walk with the beast, immediately chased by grinding fresh beans and concocting my dark, illustrious elixir).
I spent this morning contemplating a few thoughts (am I too serious she beckons?). And a site I follow regularly, The Good Man Project (kudos to Tom and the boys!) splashed a great article this morning that caught my attention: The 5 Hidden Triggers in Every Relationship.
We’ll forgive the trashy pic they used at the top of the post (what a freaking cannon, what with a honking massive red dot, have they not heard of RAP4?) with the absolutely horrendous defensive grip posture (everyone knows you really should shoot THIS way <disclaimer: JOKE!>).
So the article caught my attention for a variety of reasons and if you’re here reading this, you’ll probably also be interested in how I see it as a facet of the Erin-Don mix. The respect section certainly woke me with:
And sometimes, a minor problem doesn’t require a response—only a patient, listening ear and acknowledgment of your partner’s feelings. Similarly, you can allow space for opinions you don’t share and refrain from debating them.
Likewise, the inconsiderate section reminded me that:
Being forgetful, inattentive, or unconcerned with your partner’s emotional state, failing to give recognition, or taking anything your partner does for you for granted triggers the feeling that you don’t value or appreciate your partner.
And egads, the stagnation section hit so close to home!
The best way to avoid the stagnation trigger is to adopt the practices of self-improvement and relationship improvement. Ask yourself each day, how can I be just a little better, and how can I make my relationship just a little better, too.
So have a gander and let me know what you think….
Oh, BTW, なんか、誰がこのサイトを拝見しているの？本当に興味ある。変な目標であれば別に見ない方が良い。別に秘密のことは書いてないので。良薬口に苦し。。。
Nights really suck in a long-distance relationship. Actually, that word, LDR, is a real misnomer. It’s a sad way of saying “distance” is the main concept in your “relationship.” BS. Two people are the main concept in your relationship.
I fall asleep most nights just like the poor smuck in the drawing above. Maybe some of you can relate…
This is appropriate, Erin. Not that I’m falling back into jealous fits but that a lot of lucky folks get to share your day. I salute them…
I’m constantly belaboring my guy friends on the sad state of “no road to manhood anymore in America.” We have effeminate boys pretending to be men, 17 yr old tender foots (driving their mommy’s cars) and flipping off with no fear whatsoever, older men. In other words, our removal from the Path of Manhood has given us an “I’m badass cause I play Call of Duty” wanna be man…
I came across the following article that gave me hope:
A few notable entries:
The fact of the matter is, it takes more strength to show your emotions than to hide them. It shows your willingness to be honest and true to yourself without fear of what other people are going to think. Men get sad, men get hurt, men get depressed – and that’s a perfectly natural part of life.
Being flaky or inconsistent is often a mark of selfishness and shows a disregard for the feelings of others.
Manners, etiquette, class. Important but increasingly rare concepts. We see younger generations of boys not holding doors, not saying thank you to people, and just generally not being aware or considerate of their surroundings. While much of this is I’m sure caused by environment – parenting is also a big issue. Parents do not seem to be instilling respect for others in their sons (and daughters) as previous generations did.
The only thing required to be a “real man” is the proper equipment. You are not some sort of ‘fake’ man if you are born gay or in any other capacity. We have to stop shaming boys and men for things they cannot control. We have to stop ostracizing boys who would rather go to art class instead of gym class. We have to stop associating masculinity with a certain image put forth by society, which can easily make many feel left out.
Here’s to Men…
It’s Southern California (SoCal as we lovingly refer to our wonderful Mecca) and I’m finding myself, ironically, on the SELLING end. Who in their right mind WOULDN’T want to live in Paradise. Geesh, ya’d think a girl from British Columbia would LOVE livin’ here amongst the gorgeous and wonderful. But instead, Don is forced to give this beautiful slice of heaven some PR. So here goes!
Let’s start with the price of gasoline! $2.47 a gallon? What is this, 1980 (sorry, you were only four!)? Ahh babes, you Moose Chasers are paying, what, $.93 a LITER (my quick-minded high school conversation reminds me that a gallon consists of 3.78541 liters). That’s over a DOLLAR a gallon more in Canada!
Oh, I ran into this studly lookin’ guy pumping gas in SoCal (we make ’em sexy down here!)
So here we have my go-to grocery store, Ralph’s (who the hell Ralph is, none of us know). Take a step inside for MAGNIFICENT prices, honey!
Ahem, you will notice the attention to locally-grown produce…
Splendid, green veggies. And what is that? $1.99 a POUND. That’s somewhere near 453 grams worth!
Ever seen such beauties? And at $2.99 a pound? Nahhh… only in Socal…
I was simply SHOCKED at the price of decent fruit up there! Down in Socal? Have a gander!
Everyday staples? Cheap! Ok, mama, what do you say to THAT?
C’mon, admit it: you do want to make an APPLE PIE (it’s American, damnit!)
Berries? And fresh ones to boot? Yep, we got that covered!
Gallons of milk, baby. Gallons going for under $3.00.
No more payin’ $4.00 for a loaf of bread!
Imagine succulent, tasty burgers on the grill ALL YEAR ROUND!
Yep, affordable roasts…
Mouth is watering and pocketbook isn’t terrified…
Finally! Affordable birds!
My favorite brand of soup is ALWAYS affordable!
Pasta and Sauce at a DECENT price!
My favorite BBQ sauce (and I tossed in Ketchup for you!)
Oh and did I mention the weather difference? 🙂
Now some Socal fashion (sure to get the lady’s attention!)
Ok, babe, there you have it! Don’s prelim introduction to SoCal!
One of the my real passions is to purchase a gorgeous sailboat and have the time on the weekends to just depart the dock, point out toward the ocean and enjoy the sailing. There’s a mystical sense to sailing, as if the wind will decide your voyage for you. Sailing also entails a bit of trust, risk and adaptation.
I’d like to take Erin sailing, just off the coast of Manhattan Beach and point off toward the island. Different than motor boating, sailing is so silent, only the sound of the waves, the wind caressing the sails and the rigging dancing throughout the boat.
Something about the ocean being so powerful and vast makes us rather reconsider our woes. Is it really all that bad? Aren’t we giving a bit too much concern to things? I think the ocean, and the sailboat riding the ocean waves, really reminds me of this important life lessons.
So hon, I invite you to go sailing with me!